late light

when i feel the way your fingers
wiggle in my palm
i feel warm and i feel good inside


orange ball of love

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they say people seek out places, people, and things to fill the spaces they are missing.

sometimes you don't think are missing anything, and you don't go seeking intentionally either. but sometimes, just sometimes, you wonder afterward how you ever lived without it.

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i will check my reflection in the new mirror, the one you sent me in the little box with the felt cover. it will feel odd and new and different but altogether right.

earlier in the day: i want to spend $1200 on a painting of a cactus; i am informed by more than one individual that this is more than they would ever pay for a piece of art. i know i have great (read: expensive) taste, but is it really so bad? it doesn't matter. i don't have the money.

and seconds before that: i am talking to margaret about yesterday's episode of think on npr and how great we both thought it was, the part on love and the part on cooperation, and how more people should be honest and open and stop being so afraid. and she tells me a story of getting arrested on a military base and i tell her a story about how the people who have taught me some of the best lessons in life always thought it was so odd, so strange, that they meant a great deal to me. and how sometimes brilliant people cannot see their own brilliance. some people seem to be a gift to everyone and yet they don't think they have a special talent.

but before that, too: i am pulling up the leg of a dead grasshopper to show children the brilliant blue stripes and all i can think is how incredibly tiny we are and how much we don't know.

now let's backtrack, back to margaret, late in the day, late light: she puts voice in the secret dream i can't talk about because i am scared of others knowing if i fail. and she thinks i will be back, i will come back, i will get what i want. and that is altogether frightening but i want to hug her because for all her flightiness she is a woman of incredible mettle who believes in me for no reason whatsoever and that is what i have found here, a mess of people who believe in each other and in me. i am going but i am only going so i can come back and get what i really want, much more than this.

now much earlier, noon, high noon: i am about to eat a piece of coffee cake and catherine says she wants another one so bad and i immediately say how perfect that is, we should split it. and her excitement is expected but so comforting, and i just look at her and i can't help it a bit, i just tell her i love her because i do. she is a great partner at work and i will miss her terribly. we complete each other's thoughts and value each other's opinions. in that moment i felt like i was closing a door.

if you are interested, this is where this is all coming from (part 1) - part 2 can be found on the think website; it's the one on cooperation.

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love: a vision, a place, a living & breathing entity, a group of people, a way of being.