"Are you capable of

just one moment's peace?"

The song lyric that was playing in my ears as I took the photos of the squirrel that I had carefully 'stalked'.  To be honest, I don't think he gave a rat's a**e about who was watching him.  He was eating and he clearly was not going to be distracted from his purpose at that point.

If it counts as peace when you go out for a walk, with your earphones in, listening to a mix of joyful and melancholy songs, whilst the sun shines, then today I have had a moment's peace.  It was certainly a damn sight more peaceful than sitting at home, in the same spot, looking at the same TV, hearing the voice in my head talking nonsense, wondering why I am back where I was 3 years ago, drowning in my anger and my fear that maybe this is what life is for me.

That, my friends, is my biggest fear.  That next week's main event will not fix anything.  I think I will break if I have to keep doing this on a 2-3 year cycle.  In the words of the fabulous Bryan Ferry, there's got to be "More than this" for the sake of me and my family - the don't deserve the shell that I am becoming.