Squeamish?

Then look away.

Didn't sleep well last night.  Anxiety is not a good thing is it?  I was more anxious that I could still be cancelled at any point until I was anaesthetised.

I should have worried about that anaesthetic.  My left arm is butchered, bruised and very sore.  They couldn't find veins to use, the guy tried anyway!  Lots of prodding around, a failed attempt, a reattempt at the first site and then another one.  The one by my hand was horrible and the last thing I remember was one of the male nurses going to get a hankie to wipe my eyes as I was sobbing.  

So, 2 hours under and apparently, I took longer to come around than would be expected.  I remember hearing my name being said, but I couldn't do anything.  Anti-sickness med was put in through one of the IV/needles of hell and the world began to settle a bit.  I avoided the morphine as well (because that does tend to make me sick)

Was sat up on the ward by 1-ish, by that time having chugged a litre of water. I had an airway inserted and, as in previous surgeries, that causes my throat to be irritated and I have a horrible tickle that wants to be a cough when I lie down.  Sitting up isn't as bad and coughing is definitely not an option, as I found out.   I was desperate for a brew, but wasn't allowed one till later (and then a second one with a packet of ginger biscuits, which were the best thing I have ever eaten.  Food taste so good when you haven't eaten for 24 hours).  I was determined I was coming home tonight, so I drank my fluids, met my targets and around 5.30 they told me I could text Corin to come and get me.

Nursing staff were absolutely fabulous. In fact everyone that I encountered there today was just amazing.  I had a shared side room, with another lady.  We chatted the afternoon away and, although her condition was different from mine, there was so much common ground in terms of impact - it was good to talk to someone who really understood, first hand, the impact that years of chronic pain has on a person.

So, waiting for another 45 minutes or so, so that I can take the next set of painkillers.  Tomorrow morning and every morning for a week I have got to inject myself with anti-clotting medication, in my belly - finding a site that isn't bruised or sore is going to be interesting.

I am fully aware that I now have a long road to travel, to recover from the operation, which although it was straightforward, was still 'major' rather than a simple procedure.  I am now also in menopause and there is no way of adding hormones to the mix currently because that's what causes the problems in the first place.  I have to maintain my existing medication for a couple of months and until my Pain Consultant sees me to start the process of weaning me off everything.  Only at that point will I have any indication if things have really improved in terms of pain.  My belly is currently so bloated and the carbon dioxide they pump in to inflate it is travelling up to my shoulders and giving me pain to.

But, even with that knowledge and feeling like I have been brutalised, right now, I am happy because I am home and I no longer have to worry about the surgery itself, or whether it was going to be cancelled again.

Onwards and upward