Better

There are lots of lovely sculptures at Wisley at the moment. We went for a walk and spotted a number of them, birds, fish, plants and - giant pencils (see extra photos). TSM got upset about a duck that came and sat with us that she thought was lame (seriously, a lame duck) and went off to try and find someone to take it in, but whilst she was away it did a huge crap, waddled a few yards then flew off vigorously. We also found some lost children who we helped reunite with their parents. All very soap opera. 

Wisley looked lovely and we put down a picnic blanket by the pagoda and chilled in the sun. The day was also enlivened by the Teresa May cabinet appointments which had the air of test match cricket about them, people falling like wickets or coming in to bat when you least expected it. Or  in the case of Jeremy Hunt doing a rather boring Geoffrey Boycott and just staying at the crease, not going anywhere and being totally unspectacular.

The therapy journey

Got up at 5.15 this morning as Tigger was crying to go out. This left me feeling wide awake so I made tea and sat down.

Struggled to remember my dreams from last night. I was on a bus journey through a mythical London at one point; there were train lines high up, spectacular, moving in and out of buildings, some of which were half wrecked and covered in graffiti. I was travelling with a man, I don’t know who he was; but at one point he put his arm around me to comfort me and I remember feeling safe and secure. Before that it’s hazier but I was wandering through some empty buildings on a campus, they reminded me of derelict institutions of some sort, and I felt unsafe and as if I had been bought back to a place where I didn’t want to be.

I feel very awake and alert this morning, maybe because I forgot to take my prozac when I went to sleep and woke and took it at 3am.  Maybe at 5.00 / 6.00 am I was in a chemically induced happy place! Or maybe just in a good mood. You don’t know. What I do know is that TSM is the best therapy and just being with her today made a huge difference.

Fell asleep again at 6.30 and felt awful when I woke up; this lasted about an hour. Went to the gym at ten and after that felt really good. We went for a walk around Wisley and looked at the bird and plant sculptures dotted around the place; it wasn’t until about 4pm that I started to feel tired.  Slept for 45 minutes when we got home then felt okay in the evening. Overall a better day; the lows were still there but the highs were more sustained.

Got my IAPT letter today which set out the course of CBT they've referred me for. Suspect it will be a month or more before I get an appointment. But good to make progress.