I have noticed a vulnerability, and unnerving quiet and stillness to my girl today. Her father - who notices nothing - mentioned on the phone that she was not her usual self.

I am telling her this is no different to a holiday and that she gets to come back anytime. I am telling her that once she is there and has had a night in halls her outlook will change and this will become a holiday she doesn't want to return from.

A group of friends have come round tonight. There is a marked difference between them and the young people we saw at yesterday's open day. They had a cockiness and air of excitement. Tonight's lot, although managing to laugh, are not as sure as I know them to be. It will turn itself around soon enough.

When I asked my girl to pose tonight she willingly sat straight down and looked up at me, she didn't move, there was no need to ask her to stay still, to look at me, to move her hand or leg. She just sat, staring up at me like she did when she was knee high. It reminded me of when she used to lie outside the bathroom door peering under the gap shouting 'I can see you - open the door I want to come in'.
God forbid we return to that tonight or any time. Then again you never know what can happen in old age and perhaps she will have a need to peer under the door again to make sure we are still there and fine sometime in the future!!!