Omertà

Every day since I wrote that piece about Lance Armstrong back on Thursday my eyes have been opened wider and wider to just how much I have been duped - along with just about every other grassroots cycling fan. My respect for someone I regarded as a genuine hero has all but disappeared.

I previously talked about why, for many years, I believed Armstrong to be clean, that he was quite simply a perfect storm of an athlete, a biological freak brought about by fortuitous genetics and an unusual personal history. There was another reason too, which was that I couldn't see how someone of such a high profile could get away with doping - because so many people in the chain would know and would have to be kept quiet. Surely, throughout all those years, there would be at least one whistle-blower?

What I hadn't taken account of was Omertà. The Code of Silence. And also the extraordinary power that he wielded. I now know that there were indeed whistleblowers, but they were bullied and intimidated and discredited out of the picture. For me, perhaps the most disturbing feature of all this is that the evidence was there if you wanted to find it. I think Omertà extended way beyond the peloton. There can be very little doubt that the governing body of cycling itself, the UCI, is implicated, and the sponsors, and really pretty much everyone closely involved in the sport. All had to know what was going on. There were literally thousands of blind eyes ... and closed lips.

But too much money was involved. There was simply so much at stake. The whole sport could be brought down. The public demanded a spectacular Tour de France and exciting racing and that's what was delivered. I lapped it all up. These riders were Gods to me, as well as to millions of other cycling fans, and in a way we were complicit in the sham too. We wanted to believe in the authenticity of the racing we were watching. In terms of time and emotion we made a huge investment in closely following the big tours and we wanted a return on that investment. It was in almost everyone's interest to simply ignore the reality.

It would be natural to question then whether the doping mattered that much. The riders still had to train harder than any of us mere mortals could ever imagine. They still had to punish themselves on each stage. They still had to ride their guts out to win. If everyone was doping, was it not still a fair contest? Except that not everyone was doping. A few riders made a stance and were pretty much driven out of the sport. They were ostracised by the peloton. They failed to get new contracts. The wider public will never have heard their names. That's a tragedy.

Ultimately, we all understand that any form of cheating ends up being cheating on yourself. Armstrong might well have been the greatest cyclist of his generation but we will never now know for sure. He cuts a very sad figure to me at the moment. Perhaps once a web of lies is spun to such a scale it becomes impossible for the spider in the middle to escape. He's become trapped by the enormity of the con trick he's perpetrated on us. Denial is the only option. I've become so cynical that I feel that his foundation and all the good work he's done has just been an insurance policy for his public image. That's also a tragedy.

I feel like he's shattered so many dreams, those of riders who refused to cheat and could therefore not be competitive or get a contract, and those of riders whose careers are blighted now by the fact of their cheating in the past. That perhaps is the greatest tragedy of all. He has thoroughly defiled a sport I love.