For Floss Sake

Dear O'H dear and Lovely Tea Jenny,

We went to the main beach in Port de Pollença today for a dip. Whilst waxing lyrical about swimming in the Med yesterday, I may not have mentioned that my sentiment is not shared by the Youngest Mini Princess. Despite her assurances that she ‘likes’ the sea, the things she took exception to, include:

The salty water (accompanied by dramatic spluttering noises)
Waves
Sand in her bum
Seaweed

There was also a horrified howl of “OMG THERE ARE FISH IN HERE”

She did eventually settle and even quite enjoyed looking under the water with her goggles. I think it stopped her being scared of ‘sea monsters’. I’m not sure if Basher’s tales of shark attacks the previous evening had done much to set her mind at ease!

We had dinner in the hotel again. There was some ‘hotel entertainment’ with a Mr & Mrs format. They needed 3 volunteer couples. The Prince thought it was amusing to suggest that he and his wife would volunteer until a hissed threat that his soon-to-be ex wife didn’t think so, swiftly put an end to that idea.

There was a painful pause before a couple of restaurant staff put themselves forward and sat down, followed by Heather and Neil, an amusing Irish couple. No one was budging so for amusement, Rab took one of the seats and to end the pain, John, a random bloke from Glasgow joined him, egged on by his wife!

There followed several rounds of questions where the boys in our company took every opportunity to rip the p1ss out of Rab. I should probably explain that all of the blokes on our holiday went to (boarding) school together. Rab is short for ‘Rabbit’, the nickname he ‘earned’ at the age of fourteen for the size of his teeth.

One of the questions was “What is your partner’s greatest fear?”
“Carrot blight” was offered as a suggestion by the audience, as was “Thumper” for “Who is your most annoying family member?”

It ended with a tie between Simon and John and Heather and Neil. Out of sheer badness, John’s wife suggested a ‘Floss Off’* to decide the winning couple.

Sadly, Rab and John were not to be the winners but it was a very funny night. This would normally be my idea of hell but although I was slightly twitchy at the start, the humour dispelled my awkwardness.

C

*The Floss is a dance move which shouldn’t be attempted by people over the age of 18 for fear of dislocating a hip.

PS Apparently Flash is booked on another flight tomorrow in ‘Getting To Mallorca Take Two’. Watch this space...