Canine Masterclass

Dear Givers Of Treats,

I am worried. I know The Princess keeps telling me how handsome I am, but I had NO idea quite how much... now I have a stalker.

Today, Bella RIPPED the chicken wire off the fence in her bid to get to me. She’s not even ‘hormonal’ now so it’s a bit much. I just sat inside the kitchen and ignored her when she was waiting at the door, but The Princess LET HER IN. AGAIN. AND THEN BROUGHT HER ON OUR WALK.

I suppose she just wants to play with me and learn how to be a proper grown up dog. She can’t ever be a bestest boy but maybe I can help her be a bestest girl, although, she’s got a long way to go. She needs to stop breaking and entering for a start.

I let her play with my toys when we got back and she’s actually quite good at tug of war. I am such a good boy that I even ‘let’ her win a couple of times.

She does keep licking this inside of my mouth which is a bit strange, but at least she has stopped showing me her front bum. That was just RUDE.

I might have to stop using Lynx du Beouf. I don’t want this to happen again. It won’t be safe for me.

M