Sleeping Lizard

Tearful Hebs.

Jesus. Today was a rollercoaster.

Best bits?

Break time with my friends down in Science. Lots of cake. Wonderful presents including a focal reducer for my web cam for the telescope and Sir Patrick Moore's almanac of the stars for 2013. A lovely gift from my friend Joanne as well and a lovely new watch from 3 other friends who clubbed together. An abundance of birthday cards from lots of others, along with the gifts and goodies received earlier in the week from my girlies who joined me on Monday night. I have lots of thank you notes to write. Offers of help. Kind words. Sometimes, no words, just the smiles and the look in the eyes that said everything I needed to know.

Worst bits?

Feeling like I was doing the wrong thing by the (unintentional?) behaviour of some. Rushing round and panicking about how much stuff needs doing. Getting really really agitated and pissed off. Wanting to cry most of the day. Being on the receiving end of an utterly vile attitude and language from a youngster who knows better...in the last 3 minutes of my final lesson.

So by the time one of my colleagues spoke to me in the car park at 3.45 and I said "See you in the summer" and she gave me a hug and I just WEPT AND WEPT.

Just horrible.

I didn't say goodbye to anyone apart from her. Not really. Didn't want to. Would have been admitting it finally.

One colleague tried to wish me well, but I deflected the conversation almost immediately.

Coffee with Kieran. I will miss him so much even though we will speak frequently and I have no doubt that he will visit. I will miss so many people. But I need to switch off now.

I need to be like Carlos, our dragon - when the light switches off, I need to climb up to bed, sprawl out and go to sleep. Oh, if only it were so easy.

At least now, it doesn't matter how goosed my body clock is...if I need to sleep, I will sleep.

5 weeks...6 days....

And still, I cry. I am a big weeping mess.