Keep going

I plodded today. I struggled to find any joy in anything I did, and it all felt so repetitive and thankless.

I need something to cheer me up. But not just anything - I want everyone to be well and it's not happening.

Richard is frustrated by the slowness of his recovery and now has a persistent cough that's hurting and annoying him. He also had a nose bleed for a few minutes today that frightened him.

Tess had no fever today but still isn't eating and I have to watch her skinny little body get skinnier and not push her to eat. I saw her bones sticking out of her back before she went to bed tonight.

I spent ages cooking a massive roast dinner for six of us, whilst juggling the washing and the dog-walking. Then I stood alone at the cooker, wiping the hob, wondering if it had been worth it. I just feel so low when no one else is enjoying anything or having any quality of life. It makes me feel kind of pointless, helpless and hopeless. I want to fix it all and make everyone better and happy, but I can't and all I can do is wait.

I took this photo on my dog walk just before sundown this evening. I love the dirty yellow light we get just before sunset in winter. Tess said she liked this photo, so that's why I've chosen it.



A nice big glass of red wine would be lovely, but my throat is still too sore.



And I haven't got any chocolate.