Fire and Ice

Press here on the yellow letters to see yesterdays Blip... I didn't post it until today.

There is this old Garth Brooks song, an ex-boyfriend used to love to tell me it made him think of me, particularly the line, "even at her worst, she ain't that bad.' The rest of the song does a lot of talking about opposites.

I am in a third world country, soaking in the loss of identity and lives of so many people. I am thinking continually about how to develop peace in a sectarian culture and find myself subconsciously praying for a peaceful election for Lebanon, knowing that if Lebanon can have a peaceful democratic election, the precedent it sets for this part of the world is unheard of...

Then I check into the beach and sit at the end of the dock and want to crawl out of my skin and run away from the weight of the world... and bask in the luxury of the peace, quiet, order and cleanliness. Sun and Rain, Fire and Ice.

I feel a bit icey lately. Today I sat across the table from one of my best friends from college and watched she and her husband interact and talk about their baby, which is due in a little over three months and felt a little perplexed about my life, which can't seem to conquer the challenge of long term commitment, much less fostering a little life. And somehow, and in a more rare moment, I thought, "Am I missing it?"

We went to Tyr. We walked through crystal clear waters and gazed on Phoenician ruins. We drove through army checkpoints, and talked about the seemingly impossible situation of the Palestinians and Israelis and the role the US played in all of it. We landed at the beach in Saida and spent the afternoon basking in the sun. Had a steak dinner at Le Rouge on Gemmayze, and then came home and talked more, as a stream of cars honking in celebration of a wedding drove by. As we talked about rocket launchers and Isreal's incredible ability to hit their target, the wedding party set off fire works in the street.

We become accustomed to our own drama don't we? It becomes familiar and then life without it seems dull... The Lebanese are not so different, the noise and chaos is more familiar than peace. And so, they cling to what's familiar when peace is really not that out of grasp.

"She's anything but typical
She's so unpredictable
Oh but even at her worst she ain't that bad..."
She's Every Woman
Garth Brooks

I am breathing deeply of ocean air, soaking in the sun, checking and writing emails less, and trying to figure out how to stop setting off fire crackers in my life, knowing that the loud explosive sounds make me jumpy.