First Confession

by Frank O’Connor

From his collection My Oedipus Complex (my edition is 2005)


Today was my audition for the Acting Course in BIFE.IE

So I was all prepared, Frank O’Connor is a good bet; I picked a descriptive passage, low key interfamilia drama (oh the best/worst kind).. practised umpteen times … the dramatic pauses, intonation etc

I am called into the theatre hub classroom, introduced to the tutor (who is a Cork man) so a good omen and he asks me to read.

It went ok - I stumbled a bit - but not noticeably and was happy enough. I finished and I smiled.

OK Jean - please put the book away and show me your improvisation skills.

Em - the wha’

I want you to act the part of the 12 year old boy in relation to his grandmother.

So I stood up and lashed out at my grandmother who drank porter, smoked a clay pipe and walked around in her bare feet.

Omg I hated that grandmother for embarrassing me in front of my sophisticated 12 year old friends

OK Jean - that’s quite good. Now let’s go further … please improvise the part of the grandmother

Well - What I didn’t say about my daughter-in-law and how she cooked the spuds, her cheeky son and the price of baccy for me clay pipe. You should have heard me!

I think the tutor who auditioned me was a bit shocked

I had a great time.

***

Ok Jean do you have any acting experience

Well I did the film making course last year and acted in 5 of my fellow students films. (the pinnacle of which was fighting off a zombie apocalypse with my Zimmer frame and crutches) and in our lunch breaks they made TikTok’s and asked me to be in them as the older woman (don’t ask).

I see - he said. Anything else? Eh, that’s it

And I smiled my winning smile.

Thank you Jean. We will be in touch