I know an old lady...

Who swallowed a fly.
Sunday's News
It has not yet been established why she swallowed the fly and there are concerns that she may die.

Monday's News
It is alleged that following the fly incident, she self medicated and ingested a spider in anticipation that it would catch the fly.

Tuesday's News
The spider may have disposed of the fly, but then the old lady sourced a locally produced, free range bird to catch the spider.

Wednesday's News
It is perhaps testament to the hard times pensioners find themselves in today, when we learnt the old lady's next meal was cat.

Thursday's News
Shockingly the meal of cat was followed quite rapidly by one of dog.

Friday's News
Allegations of the old lady eating a goat are unfounded, but it is thought that she may have snacked on one of the Queen's swans instead.

On Saturday there was no news regarding the old lady, but...

On Sunday
With swan feathers stuck in her throat, and a variety of creatures in her stomach,forensics revealed her final meal was 'cow' - or so she thought....

But today,
The shocking news broke that horse flesh found in significant quantities in some beef products, from untraceable sources, was probably significant in the tragic death of this old lady.