just end it all

Depression has always been there by my side ever since I was 16. After 2 misdiagnoses and drug prescriptions, I left therapy and treatment because I knew they wouldn’t treat me like a patient and more like an issue, a problem that shouldn’t be. I left with this hole within me, struggling to find a will to live and a reason to stay alive. Usually loved ones or people who are close to me are the reasons I keep trying and not give up but I’ll end up being the one who leaves them behind and just hide. I tried time and time again, to just not be like that. And I failed.
Every
Single
Time
It’s like I’m not getting better at all and I can’t just keep running from it. 
It feels like dying over and over again, losing more of myself after each breakdown, and if it keeps happening like this
I’d rather die
Than having to deal with this shit
I’d rather give in to the thoughts
Than having to wake up and regret every decision I’ve made
They say there’s always a second chance but I don’t believe that there is a second chance for me anymore
I wouldn’t give myself a second chance either
Maybe
Jumping off was the right decision
Cause all this pain is too much for me to handle
Should’ve just died then and there
Just so I wouldn’t have to deal with all this shit
It’s so not worth it to be happy for a little and end up sad
Being miserable is the only way to be
Cause that’s who I am
A miserable little fuck who can’t even control himself
Maybe it’s not too late to kill myself
It’s never too late to die right