Little Tristan Wearing Grandpa's Hat

Grandpa Fun had dinner this evening in San Diego with Little Tristan and his mommy, our granddaughter, Desiree. This little guy is so entertaining. We just got to spend some good time with him this past weekend when he and Des came and spent time in our community staying at the home of our other grandkids.

Today, though, was not a very fabulous day. Grandpa Fun had gone to San Diego to be with Desiree for her appointment in family court. Custody for Tristan would be decided. Tristan has been in Desiree's care since he was born and up until about 15 months ago when he went to live with his daddy and his daddy's girlfriend. We don't even know why Des let that happen. She's never told us and we've never asked. We think she just couldn't afford to take care of both of them. This past summer when Tristan's dad had a break-up with his fiancee, Tristan came back to live with Desiree.

Over the past year, Desiree has developed  a serious relationship with a young man, Justin, who is in the military. We first met Justin last November and every time we've seen him, we've been more impressed with what a wholesome responsible person he is. Justin is currently deployed. He is in the Navy. He is in his second tour of duty with the navy. Justin deployed in August and will be gone for approximately eight months. He is originally from Kansas. He has a little girl who lives in Kansas with her mommy and is the same age as Tristan.

We are not sure why Desiree decided to do the official custody proceedings. Maybe Tristan's dad was giving her a hard time that he wanted Tristan back with him. But it sure backfired. She knew several weeks ago that things were not going in her favor. She had to go to a day of "mediation" at family court and there Tristan's dad lied that he had had Tristan for the past 2 and 1/2 years. The mediator's report indicated that since Tristan had been with his father for 2 and 1/2 years, then Tristan ought to stay where he had been.

Their court appointment today was for 1:30. Mr. Fun went to be with Desiree in the court because no one else in the family could miss work or school. At 3:30 Mr. Fun sent me a text explaining that they were on a 10 minute recess.

It was nearing 5:00 p.m. when the judge called for Desiree and Tristan's dad to come to the bench. They were the last case to be heard. Des has some serious mistakes on her record from two years ago when she lived in Oklahoma. Tristan's dad used that against her. Desiree did not do a good job of defending herself even though Grandpa Fun coached her that she needed to answer the judge in proper English "yes" "no" "your honor" "sir," but when her moment came she leaned into her introvert and didn't speak-up, didn't speak with authority. Later Grandpa Fun asked her why she did not defend herself more and her response was that the judge had all that information in her file, so he already knew it.

We think she felt defeated when she read the Mediator's report a few weeks ago. We think she just kind of gave-up back then.

When it was all said and done the judge award Tristan's dad custody. That sounds terrible, but Desiree will have Tristan three weekends a month. That doesn't seem too bad to me, but then I'm not Desiree.

So next Tuesday Desiree returns Tristan to his dad. He sounds like a piece of property. Personally, I hate all of this stuff. I think children need two parents who are not only committed to the child, but are also committed to each other. Desiree did not have that when she was growing up and now history is repeating itself.

I suppose it really makes me heart-sick because my dad left my mom before I was old enough to ever remember them being together. And days like today make that wound bleed.

So that is the ugly story for today.
Rosie (& Mr. Fun), aka Carol