Before....

back blipped 3/11/13
This is a picture I took when Colin and I took Teddy for a walk. As you can see it was a lovely morning, the light was wonderful, the trees were beautiful. I had no idea that in just over an hours time my son Rafi would be fighting for his life.
We got home from the walk, I was hanging some washing on the line. Rafi shouted to me that he felt sick. I went to him and he was sick in the downstairs loo. He said his head was banging and he felt dizzy. I helped him to the settee, he felt sick again, but then said he wanted to sleep. It was then I realized something was more serious.
I rang for the ambulance, but called from another room not wanting to alarm Rafi (sounds ridiculous now) The person who took the call said they would get a nurse to call me in a few minutes, but if he got to worse to ring back. When I got back into the room Rafi was falling unconscious, so I called back and said I needed an ambulance.
Colin was out shopping, so I called him too . A paramedic arrived in a car, I remember saying to him that I thought Rafi must be having a bleed on his brain, I couldn't think what else it could be, Rafi's breathing was getting laboured. The paramedic put a canula in his hand, there was little else he could do.The ambulance seemed to take forever to arrive, in the end the paramedic desperately carried Rafi out to meet the ambulance on the road, his little body was as stiff as a board.
I went in the ambulance to the hospital which is a 2 minute drive away. I was told to register Rafi's arrival at reception (I had to wait behind someone with something trivial) By the time I got back to Rafi, his heart had stopped and he was being given CPR. I remember whirling around in a circle, not knowing what to do. A kind nurse comforted me and brought a chair, Rafi was being treated behind a curtain.
I was told that Rafi was being stabilised, before being taken for a scan. Colin arrived with Nina (who had been in the house, but oblivious to what was going on downstairs)
Rafi had a scan and we were told that there was a bleed on his brain and that he would have to be taken to Sheffield Children's Hospital in an intensive care ambulance where he would need an operation to remove the blood and find the cause. We were told not to follow the ambulance as it would be going very fast.
My friend Alison drove me to Sheffield, Colin followed on with Nina.
As we were going down the slip road onto the motorway we noticed police cars and bikes blocking off the M1. Alison said 'I bet that's for Rafi'....
Sure enough an ambulance came down the slip road and I recognized the man in the passenger seat, I began to cry for the first time that day. Alison tried to comfort me, I remember telling her to concentrate on getting us there in one piece!
We collected Kiera and Jodie from Sheffield train station.
The events from here on are a little hazy, but I remember speaking to the surgeon who was going to carry out the operation and him telling us that there was 'a high chance that he wouldn't survive'.
I can remember the long wait in the intensive care waiting room. The clock was ticking, but I wanted time to stand still as I didn't want to hear bad news. I can remember Kiera saying to me 'You just know you love him don't you?'
Rafi came through the operation, he had had a massive bleed caused by a AVM. The surgeon couldn't tackle the AVM during the operation as Rafi went into cardiac arrest again and the operation had to be finished off as quickly as they could.
Rafi was taken into intensive care. I felt like my emotions were set to 'pause'. Colin went home with Jodie and Nina, Kiera and I 'slept' in the waiting room.