Bleah! Too nice a day to flap around here!

Right! That's it! I'm fed up. Look at all this lot in front of me! Bloody sale queues! I just cannot be arsed and I'm going to flap my way back home.

Serves me right for living it up at that party the other night. I think I dislocated my knee doing the congo with the pigeons. Drinking Bottles of Thunderbird does it to me every time. I'm so embarrassed! As for singing Karaoke with a load of old crows from Saltcoats doing a One Direction number, I'll never live that down! I don't even like One Direction! That's my street cred right out of the window. Thin Lizzy or Rainbow would have been more like it.

I have no idea what I said to the boss either. I have a horrible feeling I told him what he could do with his bread stick....

I don't really want to lose this job, you know? There are much worse places to have to s**t all day. Most of the tourists are quite nice and seem to think it's great fun to come and throw food at us. Some even take photographs and ask for autographs! You should have seen the marvellous signature I left with that woman the other day! It was a fantastic shot on my my part; quite award winning. It went right in the hood of her duffle coat and I don't think she even noticed! I'd have given anything to have seen her face when it started raining and she put her hood up! CAW-HA-CAW-CAW!!!! I missed it all as I got talking to the Saltcoats gang and by then I was too far gone drinking and dancing.

Oh dear.. I'll just have to keep feathers crossed that I didn't beak off at the boss too much. Hmmmmmm... That being said, maybe it is time for a change of scenery. Those crow lads told me there is a vacancy in Saltcoats coming up next year. Apparently the sights are amazing. You get cars parked up facing out to sea most of the year round and there is plenty of target practice! A lot of these cars are mobile saunas! You can tell as all the windows are steamed up when you fly past and you can see the cars rocking from side to side. I assume that's the hot tub engine on the go. Marvellous what you can get with motor vehicles these days!

I hope those people running the saunas have work permits. We don't want any more of those ill-eagle immigrants here. Sick birds shafting our health service is not on!

Anyway, I'm off! The boss is on the way and I'm still too embarrassed to show my beak right now. Bye bye! I must fly.......

Track? This fine version of a Jimi Hendrix song from Stevie Ray Vaughan - Little Wing