Necessary reconversion

The local oyster catchers have finally given up on catching oysters.
Too fast they are. The oysters within a 50 mile radius of Sellafield power plant are powered by nuclear valves. What can you do against that?
The last time an oyster was actually caught was last August, the day following the oysters Leaving Certificate results. Jimmy-oyster-catcher stumbled upon an oyster that was lying unconscious in a pool of vomit.
But he then realised that he could not open it. Catching is all well and good, but without an opener you might as well suck pebbles on the shore...

So they have relocated to the local football pitch since they have discovered that cigarette butts have a nutritional value (terribly addictive though. T.J.-oyster-catcher has already developed a 20 JP-Blue-butts-a-day habit. But it's ok, he buys them from a Ukrainian reseller on the internet).

The place has been deserted by the Canada Geese and the spot was free.
Fuming they were, the geese. Came down to Killbarack from Goose Bay (how appropriate) to spend their winter sun holiday in Leinster and it snowed for 2 weeks solid. The ground was rock hard.
They ate the rep alive and flew down to Lanzarote. There they can get full a English breakfast for EUR3.50, sun, loose birds and the local karaoke bars screen illegal videos of Irish travelers bare knuckle fighting. Heaven.