small victories

this is an example of a photo i am not proud of. i took it because i wanted to write something. now i sit here and im exhausted and i think it's not worth it.

yet here i am. trying to instigate routine into my life.

i have realized that very simple things bring me absurd amounts of pleasure these days. for instance, my planner. i love my planner. i delight in opening it and checking dates, making sure im not missing something.

i also find extreme amounts of joy in my new backpack and gloves.

apparently the very practical things that are allowing me to live a little bit better (read: organized/warm) life are highly exciting to me.

today i noticed that these days i work under the assumption that i am fragile and volatile. i dont think it's a bad thing. i think it's probably best given the circumstances. but i also know that i have never considered myself fragile in this manner. i have also tricked myself into believing i am better than i am because i didnt realize i was treating myself as fragile. if that makes sense. my minor lapse last night reminded me of my inability to control. and also my apparent obsession with the small victories of having warm gloves, a reasonable backpack, and a planner are quite revealing.

tuesday night is my rest night. so im going to watch pirates of the carribean. no. seriously.