These pictures of you aren't real.

My mind has this funny way of letting me remember horrible things: they come to me in flashes. It's never a full verse or an entire scene, just segments that cut and whip and flash before eyes. Sometimes a whisper of something is said and runs into one ear, and keeps running until it's out of the other. In some ways this is good. It's my own defense mechinism that allows me to carry on and cope rather than sit and dwell. It's like I am being told don't think of that, it will only hurt you, and then I am given peace or tears, knowing why I am calm or crying, but not letting myself revisit the actual memory. For this I am thankful.
But lately, EVERYTHING is being remembered in flashes. I can't retain anything. I find myself having to make lists over and over. I am constantly asking myself if I said or did something or just thought about doing it. I feel like I am going crazy.
Maybe I have just gotten too used to swallowing all the hurt and anything else. Maybe there just isn't anymore room for chance, maybe I have ADD, or I just can't pay attention for now. Maybe I am becoming way too neurotic?