All Ironed Out

This was the very last item I brought in; the move is now complete!!!! I could not be happier. So much is right in my world. Everything that matters is right, actually.

Which leads me to......

Fact: What will never be a calm, loving, meaningful relationship is in the past and has been let go, as much as it can be, and with the release came a sense of a great burden being lifted. It's truly amazing to me that we fight so hard for something that we feel should BE, when what is right is sometimes against what is the norm: letting it/them go.

I never knew that I had a choice in so many things until one day I grew tired of being hurt again and again and I just said NO. No, thank you. No, I will not accept your unjustified abuse. Yes, I will accept that you are an abuser. No, I will not be a victim. Yes, I will use these legs and walk away. No, I will not allow you in my life. Yes, I will surround myself with loving and supportive relationships that do not drain me of confidence. Yes, I will expect to be loved as much as I love. Consistently.

Establishing boundaries, not sweeping things under the rug, dealing with the big stuff head on without great explosion. Yeah, that's a pretty freakin' good idea. Who knew?! I wish I could explain this better. But just so long as I know the truth of it, isn't that really all that matters? I wish, in some way, that my experiences might help another or be insightful to someone else's struggles, though.

The strange thing is how easy it is to be real. How exhausting it is to live falsely. Sometimes it's scary to be real. I have to say that I get knots in my tummy every time I know I have to have an interaction with this person who has caused me great hurt throughout most of my 38 years. That will never go away. But I'd rather deal with the knots than continue to put myself in a vulnerable position that has proven time and again to be harmful to my well-being.

That stove is hot. I've touched it far too many times thinking it wasn't lit, but the burns that were once ugly have now been graphed into something I'm pretty darn proud of: Me. A real person of substance and worth. A person who takes care of herself, her life, and her children. A person who deserves to be valued and treasured. CONSISTENTLY.

And to clarify: This write-up is not about my ex-husband. He was supportive in many of these past painful moments that are now right where they belong - in the past, and for that I will always be grateful.