Photo studios and the art of photography

I've witnessed on several occasions, my mother, at home, taking photos for her blips. To the casual observer of her photos you may not realise what goes in to taking the shots.

First you have to clear the dining table, then you have to take the damp washing off the clothes airer. You then need to assemble the airer in a tent like fashion on the table, a bit like you used to when you made a fort as a kid. In fact, it turns out it's very like making a fort, as the next stage is digging out the black cloth, rubbing off the stray cat hairs and then covering the airer. Unfortunately the tent is too small and I don't think the table would hold the weight of a grown woman.

Once your "backdrop" as the tent is now called is assembled you'll need to go to the kitchen and find the flowers that you blipped fresh three weeks ago. Whilst you're in the kitchen, make a cup of tea, find a glass and grab that magnetic clip that holds your shopping list to the fridge, you'll be needing it! Down the whisky that was in the glass and then turn it upside down, balance the clip on top and then lightly secure your dead flower stem within it.

Next you'll need to find your desk lamps. They won't be working, they'll not be plugged in and you'll need to change the bulb and maybe the fuse too, setting a death trap with the cables for your husband. Once the light DIY is out of the way you can position the lighting. You need to be very careful to light the object and not the fur covered sheet in the background. To do this you'll need to grab a bit of junk mail (npower in this case) and wrap it around one of the lamps. Be sure to not wander off and feed the cat at this point or the paper may go up in flames.

Once you've put out the fire you'll find the light is too harsh. At this point you'll need to empty your waste paper bin and sit a lamp inside it to act as a diffuser. When this doesn't work you'll decided to steal your daughter's S.A.D. lamp instead as it's got a built in diffuser.

You're almost ready to take a photo now. Move the cat from the table as in this time it will have curled up at the base of your flowers. The whisky you downed earlier will be kicking in now and you'll need to set up the tripod to keep the camera still.

All that effort and a couple of clicks of the shutter later and you're done. Now all that's needed is a bit of tweeking in photoshop before it can be uploaded. So, after all that effort you get a perfect blip.

I however don't have black cloth, my desk lamp is my bedside lamp and the bulb is too dull and no one has ever bought me clips for holding my shopping lists. That's why I get shots like this instead.