Silhouette

We played with trains again today. Finished a track, and Ben celebrated by drumming with two of the pieces. He looked pretty cool silhouetted against the window.

Not so deep and meaningful today. Still grateful, still blessed, but brain needed in other directions as well.

Yesterday Ben started his new preschool. He was really not convinced. He'd built up a really good relationship with the girls at his nursery, and although I don't think he exactly looked forward to going there, at least I know he was happy enough when he was there. Preschool is a new environment, new people, new children, new everything. The benefits are that it's directly opposite our house, and it's half the cost of the nursery place. The drawbacks so far are that the hours are shorter (9-12 rather than 8-1) and breakfast/lunch isn't provided, and February's wages day at work (i.e. the one day I need to go to work) falls in half term. So no preschool! The sole reason why Ben is in childcare at all. Hey ho. Libby's going to look after him that morning for me instead. Not sure what we're going to do if wages day falls during the easter break, or what we're going to do over summer for that matter. Cross that bridge when we come to it.

Was going to go out tonight but Ben looked so sad when I asked him if he minded, that I changed my mind. He needs his mummy at the moment, I'm not sure why. Even Steve wasn't good enough for him on Sunday night. I came home to find Ben exhaustedly asleep on Steve's shoulder, having cried quite a lot.

He cried this morning at tots when he realised I wasn't where he'd left me, even though I was only a few meters away - he thought I'd left him. I told him I'd always say goodbye first if I was leaving, and that if I'd not said goodbye or told him where I was going, that I'd be there somewhere and he could find me. One day this information will go in properly. I hope.



I wonder if I've spoken to God much today. I don't want the place of reassurance I found on Sunday to fade away.