How to lose your wife.

Had an impromptu bbq tonight. Not my idea. Tom's!.

He's the chef...but guess who had to do all the cooking! In fact, Tom and guests turned up just as I finished the last of the meats....pretty much just in time to sit down. Thanks Tom. Great idea. So having got confirmation at 3pm, we dash to Sainsburys before the 4pm shut down and pick up whatever we could....which actually, there was plenty.

Nice side of pork loin, some kebabs, obligatory burgers, sausages and chicken drumsticks with potatoes and corn baked in the coals! It was all yummy and cooked to perfection. Nothing burnt. OK, not Michelin Star standard, but if he wanted that, he'd better get home sooner next time!

So whilst wandering around Sainsburys, I find myself with full trolley walking aimlessly up and down the middle aisle. It's like a tennis match, my head systematically looking left and the right and then left and then right, keeping time with an imaginary metronome in my head that won't miss a beat, wanting to seize any opportunity to spot her at the bread section or the jams, no maybe the spices. I even find my self checking the cat section. (We don't have a cat!).

I'm on my fourth pass up the middle and realise I have seen the same guy doing the same thing for the last three passes. I say:

"Lost the Wife?" His eyes reach for the sky.

"Why is it..." he says..."...that when I'm at home, I can't get her off my back...then we come down to Sainsburys and you can guarantee she'll go missing - EVERY TIME!" I smile. It makes me chuckle heartily inside, for I know exactly what he means. B does it every time. Before I have time to say anything in reply, he continues...

"...that's what I do now when I want some peace from her...I bring her here!"

Ten minutes earlier, I had been ordered two aisles down to pick up something B had forgotten. I returned immediately, I promise. Two aisles back again - nowhere to be seen. made the mistake of going up and down the next two aisles instead of up the middle, but there I was, ten minutes later, four trips up and down the full length of the shop, still none the wiser.

So, still chuckling to myself, with your man getting redder in the face by the minute as he continued his search, I had decided to stand still in one place. I eventually hear a voice behind me that I recognised:

"Where've you been?" It was one of those questions you just know you're not supposed to answer, not seriously anyway, so I just answered:

"I thought I saw a short ginger Irish chick I used to fancy, but then she disappeared so I've been up and down looking for her. Couldn't find her though!" I got the look!

Earlier today, I had put all our photos up through the hall and stairs, which was a good sign. It had taken just over a year to put up, for B had said when we moved in that she didn't want pictures up until she felt like it was home. Definitely feeling like home now!

There was more than just one or two pictures of that ginger Irish chick too! Just need to lose the wife now!