The Ladies Left Behind

It was a rainy, miserable day yesterday so I didn't go anywhere. I apologise for the graininess which was as a result of using my iPad.

We light candles every day since Dad died. Especially on these dull mornings, it's comforting to say 'Morning Dad!' while lighting those cosy little flames on the mantlepiece. We have a cupboard full of tea lights now. As long as I can remember, there has only been an old lady ornament. I asked Mom years ago why there was no old man and she told me that when they were in Brunei, Dad had come in a little worse for wear after a night out with some army mates and had knocked the poor old man off the shelf breaking him into too many pieces to glue back together. I think Mom kept the old lady even though she was no longer part of a pair, as a permanent accusing finger.

I know it's a gloomy thing to talk about, but even in January when Dad was still here, Mom would say her usual thing and tell me that she would 'go' before Dad. As it's something she often said, I just accepted it. I would shrug when I saw elderly ladies on their own, shuffling along the street or sat in coffee houses staring through rain splattered windows as if behind a screen of tears. Certainly, in Mom's family, all her sisters are left behind with their husbands on mantlepieces - two in Killarney (one of whom should have been in Donegal but that's another story), one in Poland and now one in Ayr.

I like to think that the husbands don't really mind where they are after they are gone. Possibly mine does though a bit, as he is forced to watch the hideous Embarrassing Bodies on C4 on Monday evenings from his perch on this mantlepiece. He used to go to bed to avoid that when Mom used to watch it before!