........hard earned............

I have struggled this week............every thing has reminded me of Helen.

Monday the Daughter and I went for breakfast at the Bull's Head with the family............and then we had a quiet day........the weather wasn't brilliant..........and then we went to the quiz............bumped into an ex-pupil......and then someone asked me how Helen was...they were mortified when I explained..........but I  had a terrible night's sleep disturbed by odd dreams of Helen coming back home..........three times I woke up convinced she was beside me......once I even spoke to her.

Yesterday I was on my own all day..........it rained............a lot..........just about everything I saw on the internet........or the tv........or read hit me like a sledge hammer............I found my eyes tearing up for no reason.......deaths in the news..........status up dates........photos of kittens.

Today I have tried to force myself to snap out of my melancholy....easier said than done....but I  have hidden it from the kids.....at least I think I have....hence the beer.

I really need to either get motivated and busy............or to stop being stoic and really weep about Helen.........in a short time the S & H and YH will be getting married..........and the Daughter will have bought her own house and moved out..........and if I'm not sorted I might just sink without a trace.

Das vidanya moy padruga.