....a guilty pleasure........

I've been a good boy all week................honest I have........Cereal for breakfast............fruits for lunch............and a proper (small) meal in the evening....I've been bloody starving!

Tonight I'm on my own.........the Daughter is on a hen do in York.......so I cheated a bit................a small pizza and a Solero.

I settled down to watch Great Canal Journeys..........Timothy West and his wife Prunella Scales on the Stratford Canal...........heading to Stratford to celebrate Shakespeare's birthday.

I only managed 15 minutes....and then I had to turn over.it ............was so heart wrenching to see two people so much in love.........sharing the tasks involved in navigating the canal and locks...........and clearly so devoted to each others needs......and realising that I'm never going to grow old with someone............and share the caring for each other.

There are times when I look back over the last 9 months and wonder if I did all I could do  for Helen............was I right to go see the boys for an hour twice a week............to go back to work for the mornings of the last few weeks of term............to sleep upstairs while Helen was downstairs........to leave the Hospice each evening after she'd gone to sleep.....I guess I'll never know the answers.........I'll only know that I tried to make the last few months as peaceful as possible.

Charlotte's birthday tomorrow..........got to be strong again for every body.

Das vidanya moy padruga.