What kind of fool am I?

For some reason this song title kept going through my head today. My therapeutic journey made me think of all the time I've wasted on stress instead of just enjoying life. As the song says

Why can't I cast away the mask of play
And live my life?

This was precipitated by starting my counselling / CBT sessions this afternoon. In going through the online workbook and talking with the counsellor I realised how seriously I had underestimated not the stresses in my life, but how I chose to deal with them. In short, I chose not to be happy.

When I looked up and saw the room in which I was sitting tonight in my own home, its warmth, its colour, the pictures of family and friends, pictures of favourite places, the fresh flowers ... This is what matters. Apparently research shows that winning the lottery doesn't make you happier. Happy people just have a knack of making the most of where they are and what they have, even if they aspire to something else.

There are plenty of warnings about drugs and alcohol but not enough about stress and the long term damage that worry can do to your health (and I have always been a worrier). Karl Vick, writing this week in Time Magazine said that:

"Wondering is human. Its worry that can hollow you out...If for psychological reasons you decide every day is an emergency, you're going to pay the price in the long run ..." and that research shows that "amid the tumult of threats real and perceived by far the most reliable reliever of stress turns out to be the physical company of friends." 

In the last thirty days I've had no alcohol, and have given up on Facebook. I'm eating a little less, exercising regularly and trying to make relationships my priority. I'm not seeing every day as a mountain to climb. I'm seeing it as a chance to enjoy what is around me. The break from work has been welcome but the real difference is that I've had my eyes opened ...

Happiness, it seems, is hidden in plain sight.