goodbye berlin - i shall miss you

germany is so beautiful. i am going to miss it greatly. it is so strange how different the landscape of the countryside differs from the city of berlin. i am on the train right now. the grass is lush green with small, quaint villages scattered amongst the rolling hills. i would love to live in one of these villages and enjoy the quiet fresh air. perhaps someday. i dont know what i want or what the future holds.

i know that i am returning to the states. i feel weird about it. i am scared that things will pick up right where they left of and no one will think anything of my fourth month absence. ivve changed so much, learned so much, and grown so much that i dont want my time in berlin to fade without acknowledgment. it just feels like i am returning from a weeklong holiday, not a four-month journey of immense growth and change. at least i will be noticeably happier, hopefully. haha.

i would really like to live in germany. i dont really want to return home. but i am trusting that the timing is right and i need to go home for the time being. mostly because i need to make decisions about my future and i havent been able to consider the future here--as ive been living literally day-by-day, wondering where i would be and what money i would have. so i will return home, sort some things out, and hopefully some day return. i would love to study in berlin. i will, of course, have to keep studying german.

ah i dont know. today is a long day of traveling. the worst is over as far as im concerned. i got my bags to the train station, on the train, i changed trains, and i shall soon be arriving at frankfurt airport. then i can hand the bags over and feel much better.

stephanie proved to be a wonderful roommate. she packed me a wheat croissant, piece of aunt sue's chocolate cake, and tea to go. i love her. and i shall miss her terribly.

"i've made pauses before that didn't end in a break up" steph