Dirty Old Cow!

I decided to tidy out the bottom shelf of my big pantry cupboard today. Note: I only said the bottom shelf as I'm not doing that whole monster in one go! Also I can go to the pub later for a Sunday pint if I don't overdo it....

I was horrified to find things four years past the sell by date but even more horrified by the way my mind works. Firstly, I looked at two year old Sultana Bran flakes and considered putting some out for the birds until I thought I might end up with shit smeared windows after all the poor birdies got upset stomachs. Then I found a four year old packet of Walkers cheese and onion crisps - potato chips for those in the US - and I actually considered eating them! I love cheese and onion. Don't panic as I threw them out but will have fresh cheese and onion crisps soon...

It got worse. I found Ready Brek from 2007! Something had gone weird, sticky like black tar and looked like something you'd use to weatherproof a fence. I used half a bottle of Cif Actifizz Multipurpose cleaning that bottom shelf out! I think the tar type gooey stuff was something to do with a tin of Thorntons Special Toffee from 2003.... It comes to something when the freshest thing on that bottom shelf was a bag of Peckish Complete 5 in 1 Bird Seed!!! That has a use by date of November 2013. I think they'll manage it.

I did get out after I wrote the above as you can tell by my picture! Stratford upon Avon again! However, I must emphasise here that Stratford is an old town but definitely not dirty.

Track? I used to have a friend years ago who used to sing the words 'Dirty old cow!' to this when it played on the juke box in the pub. I still think of him and laugh when I hear this song. He would have sung it to me if he'd seen my cupboard! - Dirty Old Cow!