Missing Mobile Meltdown

I must admit I had a bit of a meltdown today when I lost my mobile phone. Now you'd think this would relate to an expensive smartphone but you would be wrong.
I may have mentioned in previous blips, o.k I have definitely mentioned it - I have more than a few bees in my bonnet (apologies for the archaic headwear reference) about this, that I am a smartphone refusenik. I really can see the benefits but their absolute omnipresence drives me to distraction. Literally you'll soon be unable to do anything without having a smartphone with an app on it.
Therefore, being the telephonic Luddite that I am I always buy the cheapest mobile I can find when my old one expires - much to the scorn and sometimes downright hostility of shop assistants in phone shops.
My present device is an Alcatel - a French based make of handsets owned by Nokia used under licence by a Chinese technology company (I've just realised I might be being spied on by a Communist state!). It doesn't even have the retro chic of an actual old school Nokia handset but I've still grown inordinately fond of it. It does exactly what is says on the tin - i.e only makes and receive calls and sends and receive texts. It's very compact and fits easily in any available pockets (unlike the ever expanding sizes of the most up to date smartphone handsets) and when I drop it, which is frequently, it politely disassembles into its three constituent parts - front, back and battery - without scratching or cracking.
So when I lost it today I was feeling bereft. It almost feels to me like my own version of a Tamagotchi - the electronic toy that displayed a digital image of a creature, which has to be looked after and responded to by "the owner" as if it were a pet. Sad but true as any 90's kids out there will know - not that I ever had a real one or was a kid in the 90's! :-)
When I realised it was nowhere to be found I did have the aforementioned meltdown - there was much effin' and jeffin' and turning the air blue - completely over the top for such a cheap phone (I did hang my head in shame later on).
The search involved turning the house upside down, becoming a contortionist in my car's interior, ringing two pubs, three shops and retracing my steps through our nearest town which I had visited earlier in the day only for my brother to find it lodged between a clothes drier and our sofa several hours later - all of which could have been avoided if I'd left it switched on. What an absolute and utter pillock! Meltdown over! :-)