Please allow me to introduce myself!

'Please allow me to introduce myself, *shuffling feet and feathers*
I'm a duck of wealth and taste....

You have come to the right duck and I will make sure you go away with a fine sea worthy vessel today.

They've all been checked and thoroughly cleaned. However, I'll throw in a mop and bucket for the gorgeous one nearest me as there was a drunken stag party on here last week and there is a peculiar stain by the back door which I haven't been able to shift yet. Ah these young boys eh! You have to laugh...

I can tell you, this one has no barnacles underneath! There is nothing worse than having barnacles on your bottom. I know that from personal experience. I have a few painful memories.... Removal of the last one pulled half of my tail feathers out and I had to walk around backwards for a month to stop the draught freezing my arse and and everyone laughing at me. Most embarrassing!

Anyway, quick! Give me the money before I change my mind and decide not to sell. Let's wind this up and I can watch you sail off into the sunset.

Errrr...OK I know there were hailstones 5 minutes ago but it wasn't me yowling in the bath earlier. I blame all these TV talent shows around today. No wonder the weather is terrible!

Right! Give me a tub of mealworms and you can have the boat for free! I know you've got them....... No???!

Sod off then! Pah!

Track? The Rolling Stones I think - Sympathy for the Devil