Ahhhhhh! That's better!!!

Have you ever had an awful itch at the most inappropriate time? I did say to one of the Network guys who was messing about with cables under my desk once - stop making up your own jokes on the back row - 'Can you give my right ankle a rub?' Everyone laughed and didn't think I was serious but I was! I couldn't exactly start rummaging around while he was down there, could I? That was years ago and he has left the council long since but I couldn't wait to have a good scratch after he'd gone! It was agony!

You know how the urge to do something gets impossibly strong when you know you can't; like when you feel like laughing in court doing jury service surrounded by glum faces of your jury colleagues and the silly wigs, gowns and granite features of the court staff. The worst is if someone smirking catches your eye and then the wanting to scream with laughter is immense!

I don't go to mass very often with mom. The last time I was there, an old guy who fancied himself as Jim Reeves warbling away behind me nearly caused me to expire there in my seat. The funniest thing is that he kept finishing the verse a couple of seconds after everyone else. I was feeling hot and uncomfortable with a bright red face and was so pleased that Canon Keegans said something vaguely amusing afterwards so I could join in over enthusiastically with the tittering congregation. They must have thought I was bloody weird! What he said hadn't been that hilarious.

I went out to the feeders this morning, said 'Hello' to Lucky who eyed me warily from the flat roof where he seems to live these days, topped up the nuts and mealworms and went back to the kitchen where I kept watch with my camera and was delighted to see this fellow stop for a scratch on his way down to the nut feeder. He knew I was watching but wasn't bothered. I wish I was a squirrel!

Big scratch!!

Track? Well I'm pretty certain I'm not going there but imagine being on a really long escalator going up with loads of people behind you like on the London Underground and you develop an unfortunate itch? You can't do anything about it as everyone behind will see! Just remember this moment when you are on the Escalator To Heaven