HELLOOOO! Wake up! Bony is back!

You can get off your knees now. I know you're pleased to see me but there's no need to go wild on the first day. I must say it's a fantastic honour and a privilege for you all to be here in my presence tonight. This is the only picture of me you will see as the old cow has given me my orders. Make the most of me today!

She reckons my kilt is too short and I look indecent but I suppose standing with one foot on the laundry basket was revealing too much in the way of the Bony crown jewels so I had to stand sensibly while I was wheeled into the bedroom (wahey!) for a photo shoot and was nearly sent flying down the stairs. Oh well, at least I am showing off my shapely legs. Do ya think I'm sexy?

Anyway, what can I bring to this journal that you haven't seen already?

Well, I won't be full of sentimental slush! Not me! This is going to be a sensible journal with interesting observations and reminiscence. 'She who gets out' told me I wasn't to be rude either. Me? As if I would! What about an occasional joke then? Sigh! I've just had a shake of the head.

Right. Well today is just the beginning and I have a whole month to get my Bony knees under the table. Let's just see how we go, eh? After years of standing in the hall outside the bathroom, maybe this will open up other opportunities with my graveyard humour and svelte good looks. I can see it now! I'll have my own TV show like Piers Morgan interviewing all the famous people and asking all the questions you really wanted to know like 'Was that wig expensive?' or 'How often do you get your leg over?' - that sort of thing.

Oh dear! Time's up. Until tomorrow...

I am always best viewed large!

Track? Let's have a bit of Alice Cooper for a change with a quite recent one - I Am Made of You