A Christmas Message from Bony

Well I know it's not even Christmas Day yet and I am already dressed for the most important night of the year - Hogmanay!

Never mind! I thought I should get my special greeting in first. May I say what a great pleasure it is for you to be here in my presence for my Christmas message to all two of you.

I realise that the old dear with the blue rinse, (Her Majesty), is usually going on about her 'anus horrible' at this time of the year. It amazes me how you can get to that great age - not as great as me, mind you - and not know the benefits of prunes and plenty of exercise. Look at me! I'm a fine figure of a ..errrm...skeleton. I never have a moment's trouble with my anus!

So, let me reflect on this last year - 1913.. What? 2013? My oh my! How time flies when you are having fun. Dearie me. Anyway, I am still standing on the landing outside the bathroom but I did get a chance at being a blipping photographer in my own right! That was exciting although my subjects would often rush away screaming. I have no idea why but I put that down to hysteria at my ruggedly handsome good looks! I soon tired of being a member of the Paparazzi especially when I realised after a week of garden watching that all that talk of tits was not quite what I had in mind at all!

What else happened this year? Well, to me nothing! I suppose that's quite good really as in a world where there is upheaval and disasters, to be standing in the hall watching the spiders march up one wall and down the other, life has a certain symmetry! No matter how life seems to pass by, one thing that can never be taken from me is my dreams and memories. Some things are best left forgotten but at least I can pick and choose....

Just remember these four things as rules for a happy life:-
1. You thought that this year was lousy; next year could be even worse!
2. Never get downhearted as what is one person's unwanted pile of bones is another person's tasty snack. It's all relative.
3. Laugh and the world laughs with you; cry and there might be a kind shoulder. However, throw up and make an arse of yourself, you are on your own!
4. There is more to life than all you can see out of the window. Get out there and dance through the garden but beware what you stand in.

Track? Here's a marvellous one from The Hollies - Look Through Any Window