Chilli

You'll need a bottle of wine.

Also, an onion, some chillies, a couple of cloves of garlic, some olive oil and a red pepper. Then around 400g of decent minced beef, some beef stock, a tin of chopped tomatoes and also a tin of red kidney beans. Along the way, you'll also need some hot chilli powder, ground cumin, paprika, marjoram, a teaspoon of sugar and some tomato purée.

Pour a glass of wine. While you're there, have a sip.

Next chop up your onion, garlic, red pepper and chillies. I use those ones that are about the size of your little finger. Typically, I'll use three or four.

Slop some oil into a frying pan and warm it up such the onions, garlic and chillies will give a sizzle when you pop them in. Keep them moving so they don't burn. Once your onions have softened and become translucent, add a teaspoon each of ground cumin, paprika and hot chilli powder. If you've feeling particularly dexterous, have another sip of wine while you're doing it.

Add the red pepper, and then you can use the wine to further occupy yourself as you stir all this for a few minutes. You might also find it useful to open a window as the cooking of this mixture is similar to preparing mustard gas.

Turn the heat up a little and add the mince to the pan. Give this some attention at first to break up the mince but once it's all mixed up and browning nicely, use 300 mils of boiling water to dissolve your stock cube/pot/whatever. This can be added to the mixture when the mince is uniformly browned.

Having added the stock, once the mixture has returned to a simmer, add the tomatoes and let it heat through until simmering again. At this point you can add the sugar  and a teaspoon of marjoram, plus half a glass of wine. (If you don't have enough left, you are drinking too fast and require another bottle.)

At this point you might reveal to your partner or friends that there's some wine open. You can pour them a glass and one for yourself while the chilli reduces down. Once most of the liquid has gone - from the pan, not your glass - drain the kidney beans, taking good care to wash off the foul solution they made of the water whilst they were waiting in the tin for this, their moment of glory. Add them to the chilli.

If you want to have rice or tacos with your chilli, this is your time to prepare that aspect of the meal. I have neither, affording myself a little extra wine time, a rarely recognised benefit of the low carb diet.

Now you have a lovely, thick spicy chilli. I suggest you eat some to compensate for all that drinking on an empty stomach.

Serve it however you like. I enjoyed mine along with my son while we watched Doctor Who.