Sometimes...

things seem a little less bleak when I get a hug from my wonderful boy. I have been a little overwhelmed tonight by his capacity to empathise, to comprehend the ins and outs, ups and downs of my day. I have received unsolicited big hugs and shortly will be going to join him and Corin for blanket time and snuggles on the sofa. He listened intently as I described to him and Corin two different exchanges that went on today, one which left me feeling like working with youngsters isn't me anymore, and one which was strangely cathartic. I felt a massive release this afternoon when a conversation I had was so utterly frank and without the 'softly softly' that so often I feel we have to temper our discussions with. It was good to tell someone in no uncertain terms that education is a priviledge, as well as an entitlement, and that they had no right to ruin that for others, including the adults.

The week continues to roll on, and it feels to me like we are all fighting our way through a fog that has descended upon so many of us. Circumstances have not changed today. No new information. Increasingly, we are finding those circumstances more difficult to bear.

Circumstances, or the details, have been shared with students today. Tomorrow, will no doubt bring many questions which probably can't be answered.

There is so much right now that is unsaid. There are voices being brave, but eyes that are giving away what is going on under the surface.

One thing is for sure. Today I am unspeakably grateful that I work with people who are friends, not simply colleagues. I am grateful that there is such a massive degree of respect for each other, and sensitivity, that we are all, in different ways, able to support one another. I am grateful that there are hugs, quiet gestures, thoughtful words and kind deeds taking place that in some small way help each of us to take the tentative steps that we have to take to see the day through.

We aren't 'the staff' in the sense that so many workplaces would refer to the people who see their days go by together. We are a community, and despite the times when harsh words might be spoken in frustration or anger or utter exhaustion, I am certain now, as I have been for such a long time, that we do all see eye to eye on the things that really matter.

I am proud to be a part of our team and proud to work with not just the adults, but so many of our students, who have shown sensitivity and understanding, today, in the past and I am sure in times to come.

I have also realised that this thing called life is unbelievably precious and not to be taken for granted. Nobody knows what tomorrow could bring and chances should not be passed by when you really really want something. I continue to reflect on what I 'want', rather than what I need and realise that the creative bit of me needs to be allowed out more. I WANT to write, I want to paint, I want to photograph. I want to soak up as much as life can throw at me. No more whining about 'if only' and 'but it can't be done' and finding reasons not to do. Grab it, run with it, enjoy it. That's how life has got to be, at least a little more often, from now on.

But, for now, we continue on and we will find our way through this bizarre, almost dreamlike, state that we find ourselves in, knowing I hope that everyone has someone that they can go to when they need it.