The Ticket Oak

I was determined to take a "healthy" walk today. Double figures. 4 times around a 2.5 mile track in a local nature preserve. With Rucksanne, my loaded backpack.

After 3 circuits, I was tired, but still determined (stubborn?). Then, things went south. My mind and body were altered, bordering on being delirious.

"Things" started talking to me.

All the plants along the trail became poison ivy. "I HAVE LEAVES OF THREE! TOUCH ME! TOUCH ME!"

The mushrooms chimed in. "DON'T PICK ME! DON'T PICK ME! I DON'T WANT TO BE PART OF A FRICASSEE!"

I had an 11 minute stare down with a doe (a deer...a female deer.) She yelled..."WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT? YOU'RE LIKE A HUMAN CAUGHT IN THE HEADLIGHTS!"

And, finally...the old dead tree. He thought he was the Ticket Oak. "NASCAR TICKETS...YOU WANT NASCAR? VROOOM, VROOOM...FOR YOU THEY'VE GOT ROOM!! GOLF TICKETS? ARE YOU UP...FOR THE FEDEX CUP?

I wasn't biting. The Ticket Oak had one more offer.

"HOW ABOUT THE LATEST KENNY ROGERS CONCERT? YOU BETTER SEE HIM NOW...WHILE YOU STILL CAN RECOGNIZE HIM!"


I was on the final leg of the 4th circuit when my mind drifted off into swimming with Shelly Winters under the deck of the S.S. Poseidon. (Why couldn't it have been Stella Stevens?)

YIKES! Time to get out of the woods...while I still have some mind left!

P.S. Notice my pack and hiking stick at the base of the tree. One big old tree.